Is it just me or does everyone prefer eating the food instead of actually preparing it? Maybe it’s just me, but call me crazy if I’m not too psyched to get up at the crack of dawn on a weekend only to start my day with a mountainous pile of pots and pans and mixing bowls and utensils that need to be rigorously scrubbed while everyone else sits at the table eating the food I’ve spent my morning preparing. Not to mention, by the time I’m finished doing the dishes, all the food is gone. It’s always “Oh, sorry, we forgot to save you some. Too bad. It was good.”
Um, yeah. I know it was good. I made it.
If you’ve ever had this problem, there are a few easy solutions to solving this quick fix. I’ve found that the two methods listed below work most effectively.
Um, yeah. I know it was good. I made it.
If you’ve ever had this problem, there are a few easy solutions to solving this quick fix. I’ve found that the two methods listed below work most effectively.
Method 1: start a fire
HOLD YOUR HORSES. I’m not telling you to burn your house down. Like, “Oh, good idea! If I don’t have a house, I won’t have a kitchen to have to make food in!” Okay, yeah, but you also won’t have a place to, oh, I don’t know, LIVE. Don’t burn your house down. Besides that fact, you’re also probably going to get arrested and face twenty years in jail if you’re convicted. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound very fun to me.
Of course, there’s no harm in maybe “accidentally” burning the garlic sauteing in the pan. One time, my older brother, Faiz, was making lunch and he’d forgot about the oil heating up in the pan. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but one moment, the pan is innocently sitting on the stove and the next, the pan is harboring a three foot flame, stretching upwards and trying to consume the exhaust fan. To this day, I’m still not sure what caused that fire, but what I do know for sure is that Faiz hasn’t been asked to make lunch in weeks.
It’s a little risky to replicate whatever he did because that was one scary fire but if you have the experience and you also happen to carry around a fire-extinguisher wherever you go, I say go for it.
If you’re looking for a more simple path to travel, just do what I did; unintentionally place something made of metal in the microwave and set it on heat. A small flame should crop up sooner than you think. It’s usually preceded by an alarming POP! kind of sound. But don’t worry. It’s only the fire you were trying to start. For me, I honestly didn’t mean to start that fire but at least I got 10 likes on the picture.
Of course, there’s no harm in maybe “accidentally” burning the garlic sauteing in the pan. One time, my older brother, Faiz, was making lunch and he’d forgot about the oil heating up in the pan. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but one moment, the pan is innocently sitting on the stove and the next, the pan is harboring a three foot flame, stretching upwards and trying to consume the exhaust fan. To this day, I’m still not sure what caused that fire, but what I do know for sure is that Faiz hasn’t been asked to make lunch in weeks.
It’s a little risky to replicate whatever he did because that was one scary fire but if you have the experience and you also happen to carry around a fire-extinguisher wherever you go, I say go for it.
If you’re looking for a more simple path to travel, just do what I did; unintentionally place something made of metal in the microwave and set it on heat. A small flame should crop up sooner than you think. It’s usually preceded by an alarming POP! kind of sound. But don’t worry. It’s only the fire you were trying to start. For me, I honestly didn’t mean to start that fire but at least I got 10 likes on the picture.
If your parents are the trusting type, and they believe you honestly had no malintent, you’re going to have to try harder. But to be fair, you really only have yourself to blame. I mean, you do want to make it look like an accident, but not too much of an accident. Otherwise, you’re hands are still going to be sporting callouses from those dang dishes you’re expected to wash.
Method 2:stop making good food
Guys, it doesn’t get any simpler than this. If you don’t want to make breakfasts, stop making breakfasts people actually want to eat. Just accidentally swap the sugar for the salt or something. Or if that’s not the way you roll, try not following the directions like me. Whenever I bake something, I never read the instructions. Listening to me bake would probably sound something like the following.
“Two cups of flour? I only have one, though. Oh, well. One is close enough to two.” or “3 eggs? That doesn’t sound like enough. How about 5?” or “¾ cups of water? Nah, I think milk will work better.”
You get the picture. This, of course, inevitably leads to a very different product than what was intended. My pancakes come out undercooked and about half of the time, they kind of fall apart right in the pan. The other half of the time, they’re usually burned to a crisp. And when I say ‘“crispy” I’m not talking autumn-leaves kind of crispy. I’m talking full-on freshly-bleached-hair crispy.
The one cake I’ve actually ever baked came out drier than the Atacama desert. And that is saying something. No one ate it, if you’re wondering. Yeah, the cake just kind of vegetated there in the fridge until my parents decided the funny smell was coming from the fuzzy white stuff on the cake.
Oops.
So. There you have it. After reading these tips, there’s no way you could not be a pro at botching things up in the kitchen. You’ll be catching a few extra z’s before you know it. Just please don’t burn your house down or there’s going to be a lot of angry people breathing down my neck. Thanks.
“Two cups of flour? I only have one, though. Oh, well. One is close enough to two.” or “3 eggs? That doesn’t sound like enough. How about 5?” or “¾ cups of water? Nah, I think milk will work better.”
You get the picture. This, of course, inevitably leads to a very different product than what was intended. My pancakes come out undercooked and about half of the time, they kind of fall apart right in the pan. The other half of the time, they’re usually burned to a crisp. And when I say ‘“crispy” I’m not talking autumn-leaves kind of crispy. I’m talking full-on freshly-bleached-hair crispy.
The one cake I’ve actually ever baked came out drier than the Atacama desert. And that is saying something. No one ate it, if you’re wondering. Yeah, the cake just kind of vegetated there in the fridge until my parents decided the funny smell was coming from the fuzzy white stuff on the cake.
Oops.
So. There you have it. After reading these tips, there’s no way you could not be a pro at botching things up in the kitchen. You’ll be catching a few extra z’s before you know it. Just please don’t burn your house down or there’s going to be a lot of angry people breathing down my neck. Thanks.