I’ve liked food for a while now. I’ve eaten food. I’ve made food. I’ve even bought food. Some might say I’m a food fanatic. But despite my love of food, there are some strange combinations even I can’t understand. There are meals that a few people claim are the best thing they have ever tasted, but to me, and most of the rest of the world, these foods seem like strange, strange combinations. One of these foods that sticks out in my memory, however, is The Breakfast of Champions.
This curious combinations of culinary items was discovered by my own mother, who was the owner and manager of a restaurant for many years. She worked long hours, and, surprisingly, for someone constantly surrounded by food, she rarely ate a full meal. Usually she woke up at five in the morning and didn’t sleep till midnight. Her only real meal of the day was a small breakfast in the early morning, so by the time the doors of the restaurant opened for lunch, she was very hungry. However, at ten o’clock each day, the cooks came in and started prepping for the lunch rush. And with the lunch rush came bacon. And muffins. To handle her stressful days in the restaurant she would steal an undercooked blueberry muffin from the oven, cut it in half, and stick two pieces of just cooked, glistening, fatty pieces of bacon. It was: The Breakfast of Champions. And that’s how she got through her busy day. It’s also how she gained ten pounds.
When asked about this strange eating habit, she simply looked away, as if nostalgic for years gone by. Or perhaps, should I say, bacon gone by. She is known as a long time bacon-lover, as many are, but her love of undercooked blueberry muffins is an anomaly no one can understand. Mainly because the texture of undercooked muffins is really gross. Like, imagine eating a cookie, but the only the outside is cooked and the inside is raw, but instead of being tasty like cookie dough it is really slimy and warm. That’s what and undercooked muffin is like.
Although my relationship with my mother, by and the large, is a good one, I am truly afraid I can never forgive her for this travesty on both the noble muffin, and the loyal and delicious bacon. Without a doubt this distortion of these beautiful foods is something, I have long thought worthy of imprisonment. It shames me to think that my own mother would commit such acts of brutality against food on a regular basis..
This curious combinations of culinary items was discovered by my own mother, who was the owner and manager of a restaurant for many years. She worked long hours, and, surprisingly, for someone constantly surrounded by food, she rarely ate a full meal. Usually she woke up at five in the morning and didn’t sleep till midnight. Her only real meal of the day was a small breakfast in the early morning, so by the time the doors of the restaurant opened for lunch, she was very hungry. However, at ten o’clock each day, the cooks came in and started prepping for the lunch rush. And with the lunch rush came bacon. And muffins. To handle her stressful days in the restaurant she would steal an undercooked blueberry muffin from the oven, cut it in half, and stick two pieces of just cooked, glistening, fatty pieces of bacon. It was: The Breakfast of Champions. And that’s how she got through her busy day. It’s also how she gained ten pounds.
When asked about this strange eating habit, she simply looked away, as if nostalgic for years gone by. Or perhaps, should I say, bacon gone by. She is known as a long time bacon-lover, as many are, but her love of undercooked blueberry muffins is an anomaly no one can understand. Mainly because the texture of undercooked muffins is really gross. Like, imagine eating a cookie, but the only the outside is cooked and the inside is raw, but instead of being tasty like cookie dough it is really slimy and warm. That’s what and undercooked muffin is like.
Although my relationship with my mother, by and the large, is a good one, I am truly afraid I can never forgive her for this travesty on both the noble muffin, and the loyal and delicious bacon. Without a doubt this distortion of these beautiful foods is something, I have long thought worthy of imprisonment. It shames me to think that my own mother would commit such acts of brutality against food on a regular basis..